"I'm so glad I took a chance on this book. I laughed. I cried. I felt like I needed to hear everything the author had to say. There's no hand-holding. It's just a real, positive, honest-to-goodness cold bucket of water dumped over your head, shocking you into changing your life for the better." Jasmine, Goodreads
That’s Branden on the cover. Yes, she has a boy’s name, a Mom bod, and her tattoos are not photoshopped. She doesn’t look like your typical author and she sure doesn’t look like the next self-help Instagram sweetheart.
However, besides being a wife, mom to six kids (plus others with fur), coach and business owner, Branden is the author of the new book, Once Upon a Time, Bitches. It’s a fast paced, in your face, expletive laced, nothing held back message to women everywhere: There is no magic fairytale, but if YOU work at it enough you can come pretty close to creating your version with a happily ever after.
But first, no more whining and no more damsel locked in a tower, bullsh*t. Is it possible to design a fairytale life? Control your destiny? Be the hero in your story? Branden thinks there is and she wants to help you.
What does it mean to not be a damsel in distress but still a princess?
We are being fooled to think the princess stories surrounding us are all about one needing rescued. They aren’t damsels in distress. Neither are we. We are facing struggles and choices in our lives that will define our future. You don’t go anywhere waiting to be saved by that prince. Finding your strength and stepping up to opportunities to save yourself... THAT makes you royalty.
I have a section in my book where I talk about several of the recent Disney princesses and how strong are and how they don’t fall into the old stereotypes. I also breakdown the classic story of Cinderella before even Disney got ahold of it. You might think it’s an old story and so it’s not empowering. That it’s all about being a princess and nothing about being someone who takes control. But, if you look closely you find there are a lot of great lessons about what a princess does. Here is a short excerpt:
How is Cinderella the hero in “Cinderella”? First, the prince can’t be the hero because he did nothing heroic. All the prince did was use his power to get the girl—what he wanted. He didn’t set off on his quest to save Cinderella from her plight—he did it for himself. How does that make him the hero?
And as far as the beggar and the fairy godmother go, neither of them saved Cinderella. Yes, you could make the case that they made it possible for Cinderella to go to the ball, but that’s all they did—make it possible.
It was Cinderella herself who set the wheels in motion by treating the beggar with kindness, and karma is a real thing, bitches. You put enough good shit out there, some good sh*t is gonna come back around.Oh, and lest I forget to mention—Cinderella took a chance, got in the f**king carriage, and went to the damn dance.
About the author:
Branden LaNette doesn’t look like a typical author but she has long ignored what she “should” do, say and look like. On her own at a very young age, Branden eventually found herself with the wrong guy, the wrong job, and a bleak future. The fairytale she was promised as a child never materialized.
Finally, Branden decided that she wanted something different for her life, and realized no one was going to do it for her. Prince charming wasn’t coming to save her—she’d have to save herself.
Step by step, decision by decision, through major trials and tribulations that would stop most people in their tracks, Branden learned how to turn heartbreak into happiness and self-judgement into inner joy.
Today, Branden LaNette is an entrepreneur, coach, speaker, wife, and stay-at-home Mom to six C-section babies (ages 1-16) and way too many f-ing pets. Somehow, however, she manages to juggle all of this effortlessly (a blatant lie) while pushing her way through the kinds of fear and self-doubts that whisper within all of us (totally true) to achieve her goals. Her most recent dream come true is this book, one that is destined to have a major impact on millions of women across the globe (or at least nine people in Michigan.)
Through it all, she has found her happiness, her joy, and more importantly, her voice.