"First out, it must be said that Lavender is a talent. She writes excellently and her prose has something hypnotic about it. It is gorgeous and the author has this ability to lead readers into the mind of her protagonist that is rare. Readers will sympathize with the protagonist as they watch her evolve through the powerful psychological conflict. This is a very entertaining and engaging story that will draw tears from the eyes of many. " - Goodreads, Romuald
Published: June 7th, 2016
Micah Winters always knew that she was different. It was the pigment of her skin and the texture of her hair that revealed that she was a woman from biracial parents. For five decades, Micah’s African American mother has remained silent about Micah’s estranged father (Sidney Irving). It is not until after Sidney Irving’s death that Micah learns that she is the daughter of the legendary novelist and screenwriter.
Now with her mother’s memory fading away from Alzheimer’s disease, Micah can only rely on a novel that was written from her father years ago to understand her parents past during the time of segregation in the United States. Micah’s once simple life is not so simple anymore as she tries to make sense of an unfamiliar world as she inherits her father’s wealth and private past.
With an abandoned heart, Micah must forgive the past in order to discover who she really is.
EXCERPT
Sidney
Irving knew that his time had come. At the age of eighty-four, the prospect of
imminent death didn’t frighten him. In truth, death was a welcome reprieve from
the loneliness that had plagued him for the past few decades.
As
a well-known and respected author, Sidney achieved much success in his
youthful, productive years. He was certain that people would continue to read
his novels and watch movies based on his screenplays long after he was gone. He
had won many awards, given interviews, and shared his work on public platforms.
For a long time, his work satisfied and fulfilled him in a way that his life
was not able to. But then, old age caught up. He couldn’t write as well or as
quickly as he used to, and eventually, even the personal delight in finding the
right word, and the perfect sentence began to elude him.
Sidney
knew that like most men, he had committed a number of mistakes during his years
of living. Unfortunately, many of them came back to haunt him on his death bed.
Chief among them was a relentless guilt that ravaged his already worn-out body.
However,
he had already done all that he could do to set things right after his death.
There was nothing else that could be done. Perhaps in time, he would be
forgiven. It pained him that he did not take that step forward while he still
had the energy to do so. It was cowardice; he knew. Although, it was hard to
make amends with the distressing fear of facing rejection and humiliation.
When
he died, things would be set right – as they should have been fifty years
ago.
A
sudden cough escaped his lips. Years of habit brought him to cover his mouth
with his hand, which was now leathery, spotted, and dry. Once, he had been a
robust man, with an almost insatiable lust for life, but age had stripped him
of all energy.
His
nurse, a staid, matronly woman of middle-age, walked into the room. “You have a
visitor, Mr. Irving. It is Nathan. Should I bring him in?”
“Yes,
let Nathan come in,” he wheezed.
Nathan
came to Havre de Grace seven years ago. An ex-Navy SEAL, who had been fighting
his own personal demons after taking an early retirement from the military,
with hopes to begin a new life, Nathan started working at the Irving Estate as
a handyman. As the years went by, he slowly opened up to Sidney.
Nathan
walked in. For a moment, he stood staring at Sidney. “And here I thought you
would be up for a round of golf, but you are still lounging in the bed.”
The
laughter that escaped Sidney’s lips turned to a cough. After helping Sidney sit
up against the plush pillows that neatly lined the headboard of the bed, Nathan
made him drink some water. “You…” Words seemed to escape him as he tried to
catch his breath.
“Don’t say that.”
Nathan dragged the nurse’s chair closer to the bed and sat down. “It’s my turn
to beat you in a game of chess.”
Sidney smiled. He would
miss his time with Nathan. Over the years, they had formed a friendship of
mutual trust and respect, and the two men bonded over games of chess and broken
shingles on the roof. If he could have told someone about the entire truth of
his sad, old tale, he would have chosen to share it with Nathan. Even now, he
wished he could bear his soul – but it would not assuage the guilt or undo the
harm he already inflicted. “You’ve been a good friend, Nathan. Thank you,” he
whispered in a voice that was as dry as rice paper.
“I’ll always be here
for you, Sidney.”
“Promise me that if she
decides to...”
Sidney didn’t have to
finish the thought. Nathan already knew his friend’s wishes, and he wanted to
put his mind at ease. “I’ll be here, Sidney. I’ll see it through. However,
that’s not going to be for a long time. You still have some life left in you.”
Sidney turned his head
to the side to look upon his friend, ignoring the twinges of pain that had
already begun to stab him in his chest. “Nathan, we both know my time is short.
Just promise me you’ll stick around.”
“This is home, Sidney,”
Nathan said simply. “Where else am I going to go?”
It would have to do. He
trusted Nathan to make the right choices.
The nurse came back
into the bedroom, looking a little flustered. “Your lawyer is here, Mr. Irving?
I told him that you already had a visitor, but he insists on seeing you and…”
“It’s alright. I’ll
leave.” Nathan put his hand on top of Sidney’s, squeezed once, and while
looking down at the floor to gather his emotions, he let go. “I’ll come back
tomorrow.”
Nathan was a good man.
Perhaps tomorrow Sidney would tell him more about things that had happened all
those years… no, decades ago, but now was not the time. He watched his lawyer;
Kris Angles come in. A handsome man, the streaks of silver in his hair only
added to the distinguished image he cultivated with care. As Nathan left the
room, the two men exchanged a look as they passed each other.
Kris took the seat
Nathan had vacated. “I was in town for some work, and thought I would pay my
respects to you, Sidney. It’s been a long time.”
With great effort,
Sidney suppressed a cough. “Thank you for coming. For a minute, I thought there
may be a problem with some paperwork.”
Kris put his briefcase
on the floor. “No, everything is already arranged. Unless, of course, you have
changed your mind as I advised…”
A sharp pain seared his
chest and traveled down to his belly. “I haven’t, no.”
Kris
smiled. “Then your wishes will be carried out as you’ve stated, Sidney. There will be sixty-five days before a
decision has to be made. Are you sure you just don’t want to make it sixty days
as per industry standard in the-”
Sidney
cut him off with as much force and determination he could muster in his
deteriorated condition. “Sixty-five days, Kris!”
“Okay,
I’ll see that it gets done.”
“I
know, Kris. I trust you.”
Finally,
a long drawn-out cough brought the nurse back in. Her severe look was enough to
make Kris stand.
He
picked up his briefcase. “I don’t want to overtax you, my friend. I’ll come
back soon.”
After
Kris departed, the nurse checked Sidney’s temperature. “Would you like your
pain medication now, Mr. Irving?”
He
considered the option. The round, white pill would make the pain bearable, but
it would also dull his memories and cloud his brain. And today of all days, he
wanted to remember each tiny detail, examine every facet of his life, and
relive every experience that once made his youth exciting.
“Not
now,” he said, knowing he would have to take it soon enough if he wanted to
sleep. The deadly combination of pain and a high fever made it impossible for
him to rest for long, unless he was drugged with sleeping tablets and pain
medication. For now, he didn’t want anything to disrupt his trip down memory
lane.
“I’ll be right outside your room. Call me if
you need anything.”
He
watched his nurse depart, with his eyes tracing her path across the dark
Persian carpet that adorned his room. Twin cherry and walnut chairs flanked a
wishbone chest on top of which were placed bottles of his medications, and a
striped brown and white curtain hung across the window that overlooked the
estate garden. At this time of the year, the flowers would be in full bloom. He
longed to take a look at the delicate daisies and the elegant roses that were
the crowning jewel of his flower beds. Beyond the garden was the gleaming
wooden dock where his sailboat would be anchored. Maybe one day he could walk
down that way again, stand at the dock, and observe the blue herons that walk
upon the shore of the Chesapeake Bay.
It
was a pipe dream, of course. He would never be able to do the simple things he
had taken for granted only months ago. Nevertheless, the biggest regret in his
life was what he had done to Micah, his daughter, who was born from an
African-American woman. Micah’s mother, Loretta was a dignified woman whose
only crime had been falling in love with a white man. In the sixties, such an
indiscretion was not permissible. Still, perhaps, they could have gotten away
with it had they kept it quiet and discreet. Even so, when she fell pregnant,
they had no choice but to separate. He missed Loretta, but what he missed most
was the years of fatherhood that he threw away simply because his daughter did
not share his pristine white coloring.
He
had not been man enough to change his circumstances – and now, fifty years
later; he regretted that decision more than anything. For a while after Loretta
left, his life had been wonderful; friends, experiences, and his work were
enough to sustain him. However, as the years blended into decades, his work
lost the excitement he had once harbored for it, his friends moved away or got
busy with families, and no experience was enough to relieve him of the utter
tedium of his mundane existence. Perhaps, it would have been all so much better
if he had not thrown aside the chance to be a father.
He
never once talked to the child whom he abandoned, never picked her up, carried
her in his arms or witnessed her smile as she found joy in small things. If she
had shared his life, she would have grown up in this estate, run through the
massive gardens, plucked his prized flowers and stood with him at the wooden
dock as they enjoyed the cool breeze that filtered in through the bay. Perhaps,
she would have sat by his side while he took his last breath.
Her
company might have given him the solace he so desperately sought in the
efficient but impersonal concern of the nurses who attended him, and the
occasional kindness of his friends who dropped in once in a while.
He
cast his thoughts back to the last time he saw her. She had not known he was
there, but he had tracked her whereabouts to Baltimore, the city where she
lived. Three years ago, or four; he could not quite remember. Nevertheless, he
would never forget the soft, black curls that framed a face that was hauntingly
beautiful with its bronze skin and delicate features. Even from afar, he had
seen that she had his eyes; the same shade of hazel. His mother’s eyes passed
on through him to his only child.
He
had never been able to forget her. It was evident that he had missed his chance
to have a stab at real happiness. And he had no one to blame for it but
himself. It was his dream to make amends after death. Perhaps, then, he would
be able to rest in peace.
Sidney’s eyes rested on the thin rays of
sunlight that sneaked in through the chink in the curtains. It was the last
thing he saw before his eyes closed – forever.
About the author:
Catherine Lavender is from Baltimore, Maryland but now resides in Tampa, Florida with her miniature schnauzer name Ripken. She is an animal activist, as well as a supporter of the organization First Book which helps supply literature for underprivileged children. In her spare time, Catherine enjoys reading classic literature and playing the acoustic guitar.
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